When something goes wrong
That sweatsuited scapegoat
For the exercising bomb
Put the blame on Jack La Lanne
He’s our man
My lawn turned yellow
My goldfish died
I squirted some Ben-Gay
Right in my eye
He’s the fucking cause
That sweatsuited scapegoat
With the atomic sock
When he exercises me
I know he doesn’t shower
When I see him beatin’ meat
He makes me want to shower.