Barren stares as they light up the screen
Bearing teardrops that shatter in slow-motion
Novocaine our brains and we’re out like lights
But as I’m growing older I’m bored
I remember when misery thrilled me much more
When I can’t relax
And I’d like to go back
But that’s gone
Yeah, that’s gone, Turn around
Turn the volume down
We’re counting the days down

Till the day when we live in a video
I’ll be stone-faced and pale
You’ll pout in stereo
24 hours every day of the year
Oh, what fun I can’t wait ’til the future gets here

Closing in on the pain and the torture
He’s slamming the doors like it’s something to strive for
The girl tearing the curtains down looks funny as hell

And of sense of humor is there be any doubt
But that natural selection has weeded it out
Used to keep me from laughing out loud
But that’s gone
We don’t think that way no more
That’s gone, turn around, turn the volume down
We’re counting the days down

I’ve seen some old friends sort of die
Or just turn into whatever
Must’ve been inside them
And whatever all of us had then in common
Grew up and left home
We don’t think that way no more
Turn around, turn the volume down
We’re counting the days down

Your Uncle Walter’s going on and on
Bout everything he’s seen and done
The voice of 50 years experience
Drunk, watching the television
You know he’s been around the world
Last night he flew to Baghdad
In his magical armchair
Cigarettes and a six pack, he just got back
Now the spit’s flying everywhere

Hey, hey, hey, hey (Your Uncle Walter’s going on and on)
You’re back so late (Where did you go that you were gone so
long)
how could you leave me here so long
With Uncle Walter

Your Uncle Walter saw who fired the shots
He drove his chair in the cavalcade
He’s flown from South Africa
To countries where
They beat themselves on the backs with chains
There was a fleet of battleships
And 1 reclining chair
Headed north on the Arabian sea
Now he’s back and he’ll tell us what
He and his oldest boy Blair
Are getting rich with their mail order scheme

Oh, oh, oh, oh
We’re glad you’re home
But how could you leave me here so long
With Uncle Walter

Your Uncle Walter told me
Everything he’d do if he was president
Oh what a perfect world
This world would be
If he were President now

And he sees the children
Smoking pot
He knows that in a moment
They’ll be shooting up heroin
Teardrops in his armchair
A 50 minute lecture
And tobacco juice rolling down his chin

Hey, hey, hey, hey
You’re back so late
How could you leave me here so long
With Uncle Walter

She plays Wipeout on the drums
The squirrels and the birds come
Gather round to sing the guitar
Oh I…Have you got nothing to say?

When all words fail she speaks
Her mix tape’s a masterpiece
Walks through the garden
So the roses can see
Oh I…Have you got nothing to say?

And you can see the daisies in her footsteps
Dandelions, butterflies
I wanna be Kate

Everyday she wears the same thing
I think she smokes pot
She’s everything I want
She’s everything I’m not
Oh I…Have you got nothing to say?

She never gets wet
She smiles and it’s a rainbow
And she speaks
And she breathes
I wanna be Kate

Down by Rosemary and Cameron
She hands out the Bhagaved Gita
I see her around every couple days
I wanna meet her so I can say hey..Kate
I wanna wanna wanna be Kate

Stop the bus
I wanna be lonely
When seconds pass slowly
And years go flying by
You gotta stop the bus
I’ll get off here
Enough’s enough
I’m leaving this factory

All she wants
Is food on the table
I won’t be able
To bring it home
All she wants, come on,
All I need is free
I’m a factory

(chorus):
Did Mother Nature tell you
Boy you come and go as you please
That’s what she said to me
Big brother got the keys
And I got Jackson Cannery

Millionaires and mill rats live side by side here,
Messed up my brother’s mind
He’s far from earth
What’s he worth
The same as you or me
In this factory

(chorus)

It’s 4 in the morning
Mother don’t know
That I’m going far away
She’s whispering to the moon
I hope he don’t join you soon

Baby boss
Climbs up on his soapbox
But Great Caesar’s ghost
Knows what’s best for me
He says stop the bus

(chorus)

He shouted out his last word
And he stumbled through the yard
And she shattered her last china plate
And spun off in the car
When he lunged onto the hood
She stopped to tell his she’d been wrong
He was thrown head over heels
Into the traffic coming on
But then…

All is fair, all is fair in love

Did you get my other letters
Sometimes I think I oughta call
Cause you know I often wonder
If you open them at all
Every couple nights or so
You know you pop into my dreams
I just can’t get rid of you
Like you got rid of me
Ooh, but I send my best
Cos God knows you’ve seen my worst
But then

All is fair, all is fair in love

All this breathing in
Never breathing out
All this breathing in
Never breathing out

I guess she made her way
Through the mob too late to hear him say
That he’d gotten all he wanted
A crowd to watch him bear the pain
He’d been keeping in
So what

All is fair, all is fair in loveCheck out more Lyrics from Ben Folds Five. 
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