It’s a magical phase I’m going through
But it means so little without you
Hold my hand and we’ll feel better
Let’s go outside as the sky goes redder
Other girls don’t do it this way
And you knew it otherwise why would you have stayed
All the things that the world keeps bringing
They’re very nice but they just mean nothing

Oh – I loved you so
But now I’m back on my feet
My life is really sweet
So don’t come begging for more
Cos all I’ll do is slam the door
No – you’ve sunk too low
She’s got a wardrobe to please
Thinks you’re the bee’s knees
And she may have a pretty purr
But I’m a size more woman than her

It’s a magical phase I’m going through
Never been so happy without you
Her eyes are blue but her lipstick’s faded
Her teeth are nice but her skin is jaded
She’s got a front but I’ll tell you this much
Underneath is a token cleavage
Got to steer round her lips while kissing
And that’s no joke cos her lips are missing

Oh – I wish you’d go
After all you got a girl
But now you know full well
That she can’t even count to three
So who’s sorry now, well not me
Oh – I wish she’d go
She’s got a taster for you
Loves all that you do
But you can’t rest your head in her curves
Cos I’m a size more woman than her …..

In the 1920s a man with a box came to stay
In the 1930s the man with a box went away
In the 1940s a man with a box went beserk
In the 1950s the man with a box left for work

A man with a box could be loving and he knows it
But a man with a box don’t work that way
A man with a box could be loving if he tried it
But his rainclouds are permanently grey

In the 1960s a man with a box opened up
In the 1970s the man with a box drained his cup
In the 1980s a man with a box came along
And in the 1990s a man with a box wrote this song

Chorus

A man with a box made a train escape from Euston
While his butterflies went wild in the woods
The police report stated that every year at Margate
The daisies grew a different shade of brown
Man…

Stick palm trees on the moon
Eradicate the gloom
The place needs clearing up and dusting down

We’ll sunbathe through the day
And sip on chardonnay
Until the earth comes up
Then we’ll bed down

I was first one in the line
The waiting taking time
I counted two suns up
And one moon down

Ticket number one
Ticket number two

(I’m a loony passenger with you)

Ticket number one
Ticket number two

Gonna stick those plastic green fantastic
Palm trees on the moon

Devoid of coconut
I’ll shout across to you
“What weather here!”

i’ll want to tell my friends
when the holidaying ends
that they should book up early
for next year

Postcard send it fast class!

You don’t even know your name
You get on a bicycle
And bend the frame

Samson in a cage
Gave him some wine and Danish
Man, was he depraved

Raindrops, teardrops
Give me some real food
Like out on the balcony

Hamish in a den
Now that I’m seventeen
He must be ten

You don’t seem to love me any more
I gave you my word of honour
You sprinkled your path with gravel
Angels fell from the sky

You don’t even know your name
You get on a bicycle
I get on a plane

Namedrops on a hill
Perhaps in a distant valley
They’ll be still

You don’t seem to love me any more
I gave you my word of honour
You sprinkled your path with gravel
Angels fell from the sky

You don’t seem to love me any more
I gave you my word of honour
You sprinkled your path with gravel
Angels fell from the sky

Namedrops on a hill
Perhaps in a distant valley
They’ll be still

I’m versatile, Removable
I’m reversible, So edible
I’m the Machine of Menace

You put me in your place
So go on, the pleasure’s mine
I gotta see your face
You put me in your place
So go on, I gotta see your face

I’m versatile, I’m flexible
I’m physical, Quite murderous
I’m the Machine of Menace

Chorus

Show me your face
I gotta see your face
Cos you put me in your place
So go on, the pleasure’s mine
I gotta see your face

Incurable, Rememberable, I’m increasable
In fact delectable, Machine of Menace